Forceps - Organizes

This chunk taken from my work of today:

Throughout my CEP, I have relied on various systems of organisations, or systems of ritual, to keep me on track, or to keep me as efficient as I can be.

Why?

A lot of the activities we do, especially around the times of work, are activities we require to keep us in the quite narrow state in which we can work. We have to be comfortable, well fed, not tired, not distracted, possibly in silence, possibly with the right kind of music on (I find lyrics too distracting), etc.

There are many parts of us which all want to do different things. Parts of us are impulsive, wanting social contact, food, to check Facebook, etc. We can be tired, we can be bored. But there is always a part of us that knows what we really should be doing. A kind of 'work superego'.

In some people, this superego is dysfunctional, too strict or too puritan, a 'work ethic', that proves counter-productive by drowning us in guilt.

I have put a lot of effort, over time, into making systems that allow me to be maximally productive when I choose to be. It started when I was drowning in GCSE ICT work. It came to the Easter, two weeks of holiday, before the hand-in. I itemised everything I needed to do, worked out I needed to complete three of these items every day to complete it on time. If I completed these three items, no matter how much work it actually was, I would give myself a generous reward. This system of goals and rewards placated my work superego and my id, and I completed all of the work on time, without getting stressed. I felt like I had done the impossible.

I have refined these systems ever since. The 8/2 rule, whereby you work for eight minutes and break for two, is very effective for making yourself start working. But at its core is a set of well-defined tasks, a comfortable amount of time in which to do them (I must believe it is possible), and a well-defined and generous reward.

Above all, to not be your own slave-driver.

What am I doing?

To remain in control of yourself is the most important thing. To neither let a 'work ethic' or an id take over. When either one gets hold, it is important to wrestle control away from them again.

Organisational systems are a way of keeping the right part of yourself in control. By allowing this 'ego' to write the rules of your existence, which are followed even when it is not so present, your control over yourself is extended.

The most important thing is joining this up. I can set myself a task, and do it, but then what happens? A moment of unsure takes over and I get into the notifications-loop and shed hours. For this reason I have strictly-defined behaviours, or rituals, to follow when I get to a loose end.

Currently, this behaviour is 'check the ToDo list', and one for the finishing of the ToDo list 'Make a ToDo list for tomorrow', after which I can rest until I sleep.

The main productivity black hole at the moment is when I wake up. There are a whole host of things I need to do after I wake up that are not codified and so can be stretched out, and I'll often start working many hours after I wake up.

Why am I doing this?

Though I am careful to not have a puritan work-ethic (I despise 'work-ethic', as if work was an inalienable good), these behaviours do seem problematic.

For about a year I have been interested in forming a working-practice that is less defined by ideas of 'work' and more by ideas of rest and play.

It is difficult currently due to my position in an institution expecting that I conform to ideas of work. I have been told that I am expected to work 30 or something hours a week! I am sure I exceed that currently, but the reference to a quantity of hours is striking in its resemblance to employment and also its absurdity.

Absurd, partly because it seems this course was drafted as an underhanded way to allow people to experience the transformation of this degree, with all the positives of getting a degree, but with the absolute minimum of work required. The module assessment criteria are transparently designed to let people get a high grade with a minimum of effort required.

It may seem that I am putting down the degree as a joke. This would be true if I saw required work as inherently good. I don't. This degree allows people to focus on their own development as performance writers and people rather than hitting criteria and ticking boxes. The lecturers proceed as if the assessment criteria was this personal and artistic development, but the secret-in-plain-view is that this is nothing to do with the degree-on-paper.

This raises the question: why do I make so much work for myself? All of my projects infallibly require me to do large amounts of work, and I end up spending the last month before the hand-in just about solidly working, at maximal productivity, exhausting myself totally in the process. I don't need to do it. So why do I?

Systems

First Phase

Early on in my CEP, my system consisted of coming into the library every day, staying for a long period of time, and writing a blog every day. I thought these things would keep me structured and focused. Eventually they proved to be insufficient to keep me from getting distracted, and insufficient to force me to produce work.

Second Phase

Here I fell into structurelessness, and got caught in constantly setting out to work, not knowing what 'work' was, and then getting distracted while I despaired of working it out. In this way I wasted(?) a few weeks in aimlessness and infatuation.

Third Phase

This is characterised by rigid structure.

• I have a number of mini-projects (or mini-CEPs), that I have to manage simultaneously. Infatuation sonnets, Things I'd Rather Be Doing, etc, all exploring particular themes.
  • Each of these projects have their own page in my notebook.
    • If a project requires more than one page, the number of pages to turn to get to the next page of the project is put in the title of the previous page.
• I have a numbered list of 'next actions' for each of the projects, so that I always know what I have to do next, and nothing gets lost in unsure.
  • After I finish the 'next action' for a project, I must immediately add a new one for that project to the list.
• I have a ToDo list, titled "TODO" and the current shortened weekday.
  • I have to complete all of these tasks in that day, crossing them off as they are completed.
  • One of the items will usually be a list of circled numbers corresponding to tasks from the 'next actions' list. These, I 'x' out when completed.
  • Recently I have been putting a section titled 'REW' to the right of the list, for rewards for completing the tasks.
  • Before I go to sleep, usually last thing before, I write tomorrow's ToDo list. This is so I immediately know what to do when I wake up the next day, wasting the minimum of time.
• To give myself energy, I drink one can of Relentless Juiced Energy Drink a day. Masturbation to orgasm brings my energy down enough to go to sleep reasonably easily.